Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Starting afresh

After some recent conversations I decided to pay some attention to my long neglected blog. I've read through my posts, some quite depressing and happened upon this one. I decided rather than start afresh I'd refresh one of the  better posts and hope it gives me the kick I need.

My Unexpected Life.
....and they all lived happily ever after....

...that was my expected life, married to a fantastic man, 4 children (2 of each), a couple of cats and maybe a dog.

Well I can say that, as I write this, I am married with 4 children (2 of each), a cat and a dog....good going!

I met M at 21, moved in together at 22 and acquired 2 cats, married at 24, had R at 27 (boy) and A at 29 (girl), so far so good.
Life has a funny way of sticking a spanner in the works.

Whilst I was pregnant for the second time, M was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I nursed him and as I bloomed in pregnancy, so he grew weaker. He died when A was tiny. I was a widow at had stuck a bloody great pin into my balloon and my expected life had gone pop.

Just under a year later I had met a new man who shared my pain and sadness. A's wife J had died from breast cancer a couple of months before M had died. We met as friends, had endless conversations about our friendship, swore we would never ever marry again and then we fell in love. We moved in together when I was 31 with his 2 cats, bringing cat total up to 4, married when I was 32 and got a dog, had E (girl) when I was 33 and C (boy) when I was 35.

Let's look back at my expected life again; married to a fantastic man,CHECK 4 children (2 of each) CHECK, a couple of cats and maybe a dog.CHECK! I have my expected life, I have just got here by unexpected means.

I would not change what has happened in my life,even if I knew the pain involved, to paraphrase a character from a powerful (and favourite of mine) film;

'I would rather have had one breath of his hair, one kiss from his mouth, one touch of his hand, than eternity without it. One.'

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