As a student at King Alfred's College, I embraced the student lifestyle. I was young, free and single and just enjoying life. One Saturday night at the end of April 94, a friend and I went out for a night on the town. We had started with a bottle of wine between us and carried on drinking in the pubs and ended up quite merry in the town's only nightclub. My friend and I watched the dancing for a while and then she deserted me. There I was watching the dancers whilst standing on my own. I watched 2 men across the bar. 1 immediately caught my attention as he had the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen. Feeling confident,with more alcohol than blood coursing through my veins, I approached the men. Mr blue-eyes smiled at me and asked me if he could buy me a drink. We chatted and danced and then he and his friend walked me back to the Halls of residence where I was staying the night at my friend's room. It was fair to say that we were all rather drunk and I remember writing my name and number on his arm. I didn't think he would ring, but was pleasantly surprised when he rang to ask me out for a drink the next day.
Matthew and I met regularly and he drove me home at the end of the term and met my parents. Come September I started my final teaching practice at a school in Tower Hamlets. I liked Matthew a lot, but what we had was fun, I didn't think it was serious. During my 1st week I felt a bit rough, but thought I was coming down with a bug. I collapsed and ended up in hospital with a blocked kidney. Matthew drove his Morris Minor from Winchester to the East End to see me that night. He arrived after a nightmare journey and after visiting hours. Apparently the nurses let him see me, but I don't remember much until a week or so later.
From that time on, both mothers were planning our wedding as they were convinced we were made for each other.
Due to my illness I missed my TP and had to repeat it at the end of my final year. I finished in London in December 1995 and moved in with Matthew just after Christmas. Just before New Year's Eve we had an almighty row and he shouted that he was going to ask me to mary him. The following morning I accepted his proposal and we married in July 1997.
August 2000 I gave birth to our 1st child and in November 2001 I fell pregnant with our 2nd child. Matthew had been feeling rough for a little while, the doctor believed it was down to stress but had taken some blood and was running tests. The weekend I took the pregnancy test, Matthew collapsed. Within a matter of weeks he was diagnosed with cancer of the Oesophagus, treatment was started to prolong his life and we prayed that he would meet our new baby in July 2002.
Our daughter was born in July 2002 and a week later we were told that no more could be done for Matthew. On October 30th 2002, Matthew died he was 33, I was 29, our son was 2 and our daughter 3 months old. I thought I would never ever meet someone as wonderful, and therefore at 29 believed that my life would consist of bringing up my 2 gorgeous children and seeing friends and missing my soulmate.
In the November of 2002 I joined the WAY Foundation for those who are Widowed And Young. I spent many nights in their chat rooms talking to people who really understood how I was feeling. I took some leaflets into the local Wessex Cancer counselling centre where Matthew had had counselling before he died as I knew there would be others in my situation.
One night in June I got chatting to someone who was complaining about a storm, I said that I was listening to a storm too and I asked where he was, he was a few miles down the road. We chatted on and off for a few nights and agreed to meet at a local pub.
He was a lovely man called Alan, his wife had died from breast cancer a few months before Matthew, she was 32. It was good to chat in real life to someone who understood my pain.We became good friends, Alan would come over to help with DIY and cook for me and I would take the kids over to see him and help with his gardening. We spoke on the phone most nights into the early hours, helping each other through our grief.
In late August I went away to stay with friends down in Cornwall and they teased me about how I kept talking about Alan. It got me thinking about my feelings for him and how attracted to him I was.I decided to do nothing about it,but I turned conversations round to 'THE FUTURE' and said that I was beginning to feel that I could accept someone into my life,but he said that he didn't think he ever would.
By late September I realised I had pretty powerful feelings for him and I spoke to a friend about it and she said to go with what I felt would be best. I sat and rewrote an email hundreds of times telling him how I felt,but saying that he was a very important friend and I didn't want to lose him. I pressed send and then ran round to a friends house to tell her all the time thinking 'shit what have I done?' A couple of hours later I went home to find his reply, saying he had similar thoughts and he needed to come round and talk tome. We discussed everything and decided to do nothing as we had to think about the kids and they had already has turbulent little lives...that resolve lasted about a week.
We went out to a local WAY get together and then he drove me home,I asked him in to watch Match of the Day as Southampton (Matthew's,mine and Alan's team) had won that day. When he went to leave, instead of the usual hug, he kissed me.That was September 2003, less than a year after losing my beloved Matthew. On the Valentines Day 2004 Alan proposed and I said yes.
We had a long engagement, so that all 4 families could get used to the idea and then a big wedding in December 2005....which included my family, Alan's family, Matthew's family, Ju's family and loads of friends. It was a very emotional day. We now have 1 daughter and 1 son together. Alan adopted the older 2 children in 2007 and we are 1 big (if somewhat extended) family. I still love Matthew dearly, just as Alan still loves Ju, but both of them gave us their blessings to move on and meet someone new before they died.
I didn't think I could ever love another man, but I have found out that love is elastic, it stretches to encompass all.
Oh yes....the way that Alan found out about WAY was from 1 of the leaflets that I had handed to the counsellor...so we were obviously meant to be together!
Matthew and I met regularly and he drove me home at the end of the term and met my parents. Come September I started my final teaching practice at a school in Tower Hamlets. I liked Matthew a lot, but what we had was fun, I didn't think it was serious. During my 1st week I felt a bit rough, but thought I was coming down with a bug. I collapsed and ended up in hospital with a blocked kidney. Matthew drove his Morris Minor from Winchester to the East End to see me that night. He arrived after a nightmare journey and after visiting hours. Apparently the nurses let him see me, but I don't remember much until a week or so later.
From that time on, both mothers were planning our wedding as they were convinced we were made for each other.
Due to my illness I missed my TP and had to repeat it at the end of my final year. I finished in London in December 1995 and moved in with Matthew just after Christmas. Just before New Year's Eve we had an almighty row and he shouted that he was going to ask me to mary him. The following morning I accepted his proposal and we married in July 1997.
August 2000 I gave birth to our 1st child and in November 2001 I fell pregnant with our 2nd child. Matthew had been feeling rough for a little while, the doctor believed it was down to stress but had taken some blood and was running tests. The weekend I took the pregnancy test, Matthew collapsed. Within a matter of weeks he was diagnosed with cancer of the Oesophagus, treatment was started to prolong his life and we prayed that he would meet our new baby in July 2002.
Our daughter was born in July 2002 and a week later we were told that no more could be done for Matthew. On October 30th 2002, Matthew died he was 33, I was 29, our son was 2 and our daughter 3 months old. I thought I would never ever meet someone as wonderful, and therefore at 29 believed that my life would consist of bringing up my 2 gorgeous children and seeing friends and missing my soulmate.
In the November of 2002 I joined the WAY Foundation for those who are Widowed And Young. I spent many nights in their chat rooms talking to people who really understood how I was feeling. I took some leaflets into the local Wessex Cancer counselling centre where Matthew had had counselling before he died as I knew there would be others in my situation.
One night in June I got chatting to someone who was complaining about a storm, I said that I was listening to a storm too and I asked where he was, he was a few miles down the road. We chatted on and off for a few nights and agreed to meet at a local pub.
He was a lovely man called Alan, his wife had died from breast cancer a few months before Matthew, she was 32. It was good to chat in real life to someone who understood my pain.We became good friends, Alan would come over to help with DIY and cook for me and I would take the kids over to see him and help with his gardening. We spoke on the phone most nights into the early hours, helping each other through our grief.
In late August I went away to stay with friends down in Cornwall and they teased me about how I kept talking about Alan. It got me thinking about my feelings for him and how attracted to him I was.I decided to do nothing about it,but I turned conversations round to 'THE FUTURE' and said that I was beginning to feel that I could accept someone into my life,but he said that he didn't think he ever would.
By late September I realised I had pretty powerful feelings for him and I spoke to a friend about it and she said to go with what I felt would be best. I sat and rewrote an email hundreds of times telling him how I felt,but saying that he was a very important friend and I didn't want to lose him. I pressed send and then ran round to a friends house to tell her all the time thinking 'shit what have I done?' A couple of hours later I went home to find his reply, saying he had similar thoughts and he needed to come round and talk tome. We discussed everything and decided to do nothing as we had to think about the kids and they had already has turbulent little lives...that resolve lasted about a week.
We went out to a local WAY get together and then he drove me home,I asked him in to watch Match of the Day as Southampton (Matthew's,mine and Alan's team) had won that day. When he went to leave, instead of the usual hug, he kissed me.That was September 2003, less than a year after losing my beloved Matthew. On the Valentines Day 2004 Alan proposed and I said yes.
We had a long engagement, so that all 4 families could get used to the idea and then a big wedding in December 2005....which included my family, Alan's family, Matthew's family, Ju's family and loads of friends. It was a very emotional day. We now have 1 daughter and 1 son together. Alan adopted the older 2 children in 2007 and we are 1 big (if somewhat extended) family. I still love Matthew dearly, just as Alan still loves Ju, but both of them gave us their blessings to move on and meet someone new before they died.
I didn't think I could ever love another man, but I have found out that love is elastic, it stretches to encompass all.
Oh yes....the way that Alan found out about WAY was from 1 of the leaflets that I had handed to the counsellor...so we were obviously meant to be together!
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Not many things bring a tear to my eye Ko, but that did, even though I know what you have been through xxx
ReplyDeleteI had never heard the beginning of that story before Ko - you drunk - can't beleive that!
ReplyDelete